TELL ME A FUNNY…

The 5 questions most feared by men are: 1…What are you thinking

about? 2…Do you love me? 3…Do I look fat? 4…Do you think she is

prettier than me? 5…What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed

to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly(i.e.,

tells the truth).

As a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with

possible Responses.

Question # 1: What are you thinking about?

The proper answer to this, of course, is: “I’m sorry if I’ve been

pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful,

thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to

have met you.” This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true

answer,which most likely is one of the following: a…Baseball.

b…Football. c…How fat you are. d…How much prettier she is than

you. e…How I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who

once told Peg, “If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be

talking to you!”

Question # 2: Do you love me?

The proper response is: “YES!” or, if you feel a more detailed answer

is in order, “Yes, dear.” Inappropriate responses include: a…Oh Yeah,

crap loads. b…Would it make you feel better if I said yes? c…That

depends on what you mean by love. d…Does it matter? e…Who, me?

Question # 3: Do I look fat?

The correct answer is an emphatic: “Of course not!” Among the incorrect

answers are: a…Compared to what? b…I wouldn’t call you fat, but

you’re not exactly thin. c…A little extra weight looks good on you.

d…I’ve seen fatter. e…Could you repeat the question? I was just

thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question # 4: Do you think she’s prettier than me?

Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: “Of course not!”

Incorrect responses include:

a…Yes, but you have a better personality. b…Not prettier, but

definitely thinner. c…Not as pretty as you when you were her age.

d…Define pretty. e…Could you repeat the question? I was just

thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question # 5: What would you do if I died?

A definite no-win question.(The real answer, of course, is “Buy a

Corvette and a Boat”). WARNING: No matter how you answer this, be

prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the

these lines:

WOMAN: Would you get married again? MAN: Definitely not! WOMAN: Why

not-don’t you like being married? MAN: Of course I do. WOMAN: Then why

wouldn’t you remarry? MAN: Okay, I’d get married again. WOMAN: You

would? (with a hurtful look on her face) WOMAN: Would you sleep with

her in our bed? MAN: Where else would we sleep? WOMAN: Would you put

away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her? MAN: That

would seem like the proper thing to do. WOMAN: And would you let her

use my golf clubs? MAN: She can’t use them; she’s left-handed WOMAN: -

- - silence - - - MAN: Oh ( expletive deleted).

Courtesy of Camille @ http://earnknittoownit.blogspot.com